The sun won't always shine after the rain~

Being not productive and passive are self-destructing..
Being not able to differentiate between right and wrong is frustrating..
Being not able to make a decision is worst than devastating..

So in which state that I am in right now?

Let's see.. urm.. I guess I'm in all three.. Gosh! This is SO not good..

I used to work 8 to 12 hours everyday while on my feet for the past 6 months. It was not an easy stuff. I've dealt with the 220C heat from the oven, the backache from lifting up 25kilos' packs of flour almost everyday, the -24C walk-in freezer's I'll-lose-my-nerves temperature whenever boxes of semi-ready products needed to be stored, hundreds of buns, cakes, pastries and pies to work with, plus the ever-annoying attitudes of some hey-missy-u-don't-know-who-u-are-dealing-with-here colleagues; I knew I had picked hell to live while on earth.

The 6 months went by, I lost a total of 7 kilos in weight (a surprise outcome I didn't know I would achieve), and I think my torturous days had finally gone in the wind.

I am DEAD wrong.

I thought all I want in life now is living happily and hustle-free with my parents right here in my hometown. I enjoy the carefree feeling. I feel like I am finally rewarded with something that I've longed for ages. I've been living independently for the past 10 years plus, and I thought, hey, why on earth not, I deserve a piece of mind, a calmer and peaceful place to live in. I hate big cities. Or so I thought.

7 days went by from the day I declared my 'official' holiday.
I know the whole situation of this so-called carefree living is doing me no good.
I'm gaining weight.
I speak to myself in front of the mirror.
I laugh alone while doing my 'morning business'.
I can even memorize some of the TV's movies' lines ( you can tell that I've been watching the same movies time and time again, 'thanks' to astro!)
And I called my cats ala sayang sayang..
Euww.. please tell me my brain is still working..
I know this is just another doom's day for me.

The only thing that makes my day brighter was trying out new recipes and tasted them out. Haha.

Which on the other hand isn't very good either since I keep on having the creamy chocolate ganache as a luxurious spread for my bread, day and night. By what I mean luxurious is whenever I sandwiched 2 slices of bread together, the ganache will overflow and whenever I ate them, it will definitely smeared my mouth. I couldn't help it. It tasted so good. [ I was supposed to keep the fudge for my aunt's cake this Saturday, but I made extra (double!), you know, just in case my sweet tooth craving attacked ;) ]

I made some chicken sausage rolls as well yesterday and I successfully had my teeth dug onto them as breakfast this morning ( and errr.. some also as my supper's last night, I think..)

And I'm thinking about making some cheese tarts in the next few hours.

See.. This whole try&taste thing drives me nuts. Last night before I went to bed, I stick a post-it note on the dining table, asking my mom to bring a loaf of chocolate cake that I've made to her office. And I was so glad that she did.

What do I got to do now?

I have another piles of recipes that I'm eager to try out.
That means another cycle of oh-NO-to-whom-will-I-give-them-to-but-I-LOVE-to-try-them-out.
I know my parents probably would LOVED to see no more baked products on the table this time around, at least for the moment.

I don't really care about the gain-weight thing actually.
I can even eat a horse without hesitation.

I just hate to make decision.

I have several job offers ( which require me to go back to the city),
I have to decide whether to further my study or start working.

I know it will all up to me..
I wished this all decision-making situation is as easier as how I choose a recipe and try it out.

I think if I can picture the end-result, as how I made the analogy of baking a cake, I wouldn't have to sound so helpless as I am now.

I hate being a grown-up.
And I hate cities.

Let's just make some cheese tarts instead.
And perhaps some fudgy-wudgy double chocolate brownies.
Shoot.. I forgot.
I've run out of cocoa powder.
Nevermind.
Let's see if we can substitute that with white chocolate chunks.

To all food lovers, you have my heartiest condolences ;)